I’m a very reclusive and introverted individual that doesn’t need or require attention from the outside world. Even when I ran my indie record label, I felt angry and frustrated that I had to share my art in a monetary means in order to be “successful” at it. Success for me, meaning to simply make a humble living. I’m not materialistic and do not require much. No matter how any of this ever plays out, I can tell you this with absolute certainty: I am a true artist. I am the real deal. Guaranteed.

I grew up in a very difficult situation and had to overcome and survive many things. I still struggle to this day with things that would definitely break a lot of people. I know because I’ve seen the proof of it in the facilities I’ve worked in. I can say, beyond a doubt, that it’s a miracle that I am even alive, let alone doing as well as I am in life. I’m successfully self-employed and a lot of people that know me consider me a success. I’ve done and accomplished some pretty cool things in my life but the pain I often feel from not being able to just be left alone to create is pretty unbearable. I’ve just learned to bear it because I’m a strong man.

I worked in mental health for 14 years while also operating a small indie record label and releasing several demos and full length musical albums under different genres and monikers. I published two books of poetry and released 3 spoken word albums as well as working with several artists.

I quit working in mental health and have been self employed for some time now. I mostly worked night shifts before due to having lots of issues sleeping, a problem I still deal with to this day. I call it my Tyler Durden disorder. I’m proud that in all the time I spent working in mental health, not one client filed a grievance on me, although I had plenty of problems with coworkers and management. The secret to not receiving a complaint from the clients I cared for was simple. Treat them with respect and take time to care.

My best friend and drummer died shortly after the release of our first full length album and I ended up recording a lengthy acoustic album a year later but ended up slowly shutting down due to personal reasons until finally, I dissolved the record label, pulled all of my music and spoken word from distribution, and unpublished my poetry books. Eventually, I quit doing my own thing creatively and found ways to deter myself from my artistic needs, often starting businesses and failing after the creative part of building them was over. I simply had no desire to actually run those businesses. They were all distractions. It was all just fear and resistance.

When I start to create, it’s like a flood and it’s excruciatingly painful to have to dam it up and return to the “real world” to work and make a living. I realize now that those businesses I was starting and the investments I would make were not just distractions, but also wishful thinking. I was hoping to make enough money to just lock myself away on a mountain top, far away from the world, and just create all day, every day, for the remainder of my life. The funny part is that I’d be a hell of a lot closer had I not blown so much money on startups and poor investments.

I was always an underground artist type who was extremely defiant and did things my way. I was never going to jump through hoops, do something I did not want to do artistically, or try to be a court jester in order to entertain people. I’d rather die than be something I’m not artistically. A lot of my work would never be considered mainstream or commercial, nor would I want it to be. I find most of that extremely boring. My spoken word actually scares the hell out of me sometimes but to be honest, I can’t take full credit for that, as I have no clue where it comes from most of the time. The songs often feel that way too and so many of the things created happened instantly and were made up on the spot.

So in order to not further drain my energy on bullshit businesses and distractions, I’m opening the floodgates.

If something I create inspires or speaks to you on a personal level and you feel you want to help me artistically and show your support, I’d be honored to have it. I’d be grateful too, as it would put me one step closer to doing what I’ve always wanted in life, to make a living from creating without sacrificing my creative soul to do it.

Thanks for your time. Catch ya on the flipside.